Evan has committed horrible and unspeakable acts of food greed, and I have proof

Oh, I see what's going on Evan. You can't say it to my face, but you'll happily tell the internet your true feelings about last Saturday's pizza incident. Do you know who makes up the internet, Evan? Pedophiles. You are more comfortable with child molesters knowing your deepest emotions than you are with me.

But this post isn't to talk to Evan. No, I am a man of more honor and class than that. This post is simply to set the record straight with the public about who shares what in the house. Let's review some recent happenings, shall we?

1) David (me) receives a package of Channukah presents from his sister. Among these is a bag of premo chocolate, which I left in the kitchen for all to enjoy, having eaten two pieces myself. The rest disappeared into either thin air or my housemates. And then a certain housemate, let's call him Nave (hah! Your name backwards is NAVE! It's almost Knave, and almost Naive), complains to David about the chocolate wrappers left out on the kitchen table. Let me remind you - this is something that David gifted to his housemates, and one of them has the nerve to expect him to cleanup their ungrateful mess.

BROOKLYYYYYYYYYN - Yeah right, Mr. Hotlanta

2) A day later, Nave buys some candy from Weshop. When David and [name removed by request] ask for some of this, Nave refuses to share any. Further, Nave produces a wet horse whip, and leaves the house for his nightly crusade of small animal torture. You make me sick, Nave.

3) These could fill stadiums, but out of respect to what little dignity Nave still has, I shall stop now.

See, the point is, Nave, as I mentioned in the email (which you so artfully cutoff in the post), I don't mind sharing food with people. I just wish they'd ask me first. Yeah, I cooked one of your sausages the other night when we were watching Law & Order: CI. But I asked you first, did I not? And you said "yes." So next, time, just ask. Or is it easier to connive and brood?