Emily Wang will save us all

Dearly beloved
We are gathered here today
2 get through this thing called life

Electric word life
It means forever and thats a mighty long time
But Im here 2 tell u
There's something else...


Behold, the mighty majesty of Emily Ambrose Wang. She is the divine force that will save us all. Like the most sacred of life-saving prophets, Emily's humble demeanor prevents an astonishing majority from understanding the true depths of her powers. All you need to know is that, at some point, she has probably saved your life.

Have you ever been falling off a cliff, only to have a wraith that looked suspiciously like David Bowie come to your rescue? Emily Wang. What about the time when those thugs who were mugging you suddenly stopped, and instead initiated a discussion circle about Братя Карамазови? Вы знаете, это была Эмилий. Or how about the time when Greg Dubinsky crawled out of that disgusting shell he calls whatever room he's living in at the moment, and decided to join you for tea? Must I remind you whose miracle that was?

Emily joins in the festivities for some dude's 22 birthday. Last Friday. Okay, it was mine. PARTY PIZZA!

Even right now, as Evan sleeps soundly next door, he has lit his nightly candles in front of Emily's portrait. In fact, earlier today, the great Mr. Barton told me himself that, "Emily Wang should replace air as that thing we breathe to prevent from dying. Oh, and also, [insert hilariously un-PC observation here]!"

Emily, pictured here with the all-seeing EYEREENA

It starts with Emily, but it certainly doesn't stop there. Join us next time as we will continue on our tour of goddesses that run the earth, or at least the earth as we can experience it from 63A Home Ave. I won't give away the next one, but here's a hint: Mannalisa.